He leads me beside still waters ...

Lynne & I met during my oncology journey in the hospital, and I have quickly come to love her - she’s an awesome friend and we … click, if you know what I mean.

She loves art and horses and travel and her family.  I convinced her to take me with her to the next class she attended.  So, off we headed one evening to “sit & sip”.

She’s sooo good.  Me?  Not so much but here’s my attempt which I have begun to enjoy looking at. 

After navigating 1) the sharing of close space with several other budding artists who had definitely come to sip whilst we sat and 2) the twisting of my head around each minute to see what the instructor was explaining, I started to notice that something about the brush strokes were very calming.  So, I stopped twisting my head and, instead, relied on the photo I had taken of the original painting we were meant to duplicate.  I copied the way the lady to my left was manipulating her brush and the waves appeared on my masterpiece.  The blue of my sea was calming, and I could see myself sitting on my beach watching those waves crashing gently on to the shore, feeling God’s presence with me there. Apart from the breaking of the waves, my sea is meant to be still.

I was grateful to be with Lynne.  3 months prior I would have been unable to do so.  Physical pain had crept into my life and had become crippling.  I didn’t understand why I encountered it - it was horrendous, hideous and I howled most days.  The painkillers prescribed by the doctors were not very effective.  The doctors had never seen the pain, had only heard me describe it and so prescribed what they believed was best, except it wasn’t.  ♫ But the God I serve knows only how to triumph ♫.  Such a great line from such a fab song. However, at the time, of course you don't feel like that, instead you feel like God has forgotten you. You feel like He doesn't care even though you know that the Bible says that He does care, that He's always with you that He will never leave you.

I do not understand how such pain can be experienced by a Christ follower to such a degree that one literally wishes for death so that the pain stops, or one can want to literally cut off that body part off  to put an end to the pain. But yeah, I say, God loves me, right? That is quickly followed by ‘how can He love me when it feels like He has simply left me in this terrible, crippling pain?’ I listen to particular music from other Christ followers that expounds the Word of God that get His message of love across. I fill myself up with the Word as much as I am able to, and I live by faith to the best of my ability but yet I experience this hideous, hideous pain day in day out - why?  Where are those still waters?

Talking to Lynn is good because I can share with someone who gets it but despite this, my faith is not resting on her.