The juniper, the box tree and the cypress together …

Pain

Pain

Pain.

Living with pain is one of the worst things ever. Day in, day out. Non-stop. Ever present. Pain.

I have lived consistently with pain for at least three years. It is debilitating. It is limiting. It hurts. Sometimes, it can make you feel like you would rather die. The idea of death can seem better than pain.  This is my version of the dark side of pain.

I am a Christ follower. I believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I believe that His death affords my life through the shedding of His blood for my sins. I believe that God the Father loves me as He loves His own child, Jesus. I believe that the Holy Spirit is my comforter. I believe that the Triune God loves me, created me, cares for me, is for me, never leaves me, goes before me, is beside me, orders my steps. And yet - pain.

My beliefs do not stop the pain, the pain does not stop my beliefs. Because God is a good God. Despite pain. Physical pain. Death is not mine to decide or to own or to decree. The keys of death and hell are in God‘s hands. He decides because my life is 100% in His hands.

I will be a sweet, sweet sound in God’s ears. I will march to the rhythm of the drum that He, God, beats for me for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And even though I feel as though I am bereft and alone, Psalm 139 tells me completely differently. Where I go, He is already. What I think, He knows already. I can tire of day-in, day-out. I can be weary of day-in, day-out. But he knew me even before I knew myself.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.